


An Introduction to Agents North And South

by AgenderMaine (AngelusErrare)



Series: Falling Towards The Feels [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Canon-typical language, Silly, the team gets drunk and fucks with Wash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 10:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7615060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelusErrare/pseuds/AgenderMaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How much alcohol does it take for Freelancer Team Alpha to forget they've already met the new team member?</p><p>( <a href="http://pitchscribbles.tumblr.com/post/147990696001">based on this fanart</a> )</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Introduction to Agents North And South

**Author's Note:**

> Edited 3/4/2017 to stay canon with the rest of the FTTF continuity.
> 
> Wash isn't exactly the rookie; he was originally assigned to Alpha Team, but then bumped to Beta when Georgia started outranking him. With Georgia's untimely demise, Wash gets put back on Alpha Team. Unfortunately for him, the team is a bit too drunk to remember that they know him.
> 
> Additionally: North's pronouns change depending on where it is in the timeline. In this, North's pronouns are "they".
> 
> I keep a list of everyone's genders and orientations [[here!](https://alonneknight.tumblr.com/post/157989767376/)] in case anyone is confused or needs something to refer to!

"God, South, you can _not_ say that to the new guy!"

North doesn't exactly sound like they're really trying to keep their sister from saying anything. In fact, they're laughing their ass off, and they're not the only one. All the members of the Freelancer team--barring Agent Washington, of course-- are in various states of being splayed across the rec room furniture (or floor, in the case of York and Maine), and almost all of them are drunk enough to forget that they _know_ Wash. It's been a long time, sure, but he was originally part of their team before Georgia happened to start outscoring him. That was early on in the Project, though, and it's been over a year.

Still, it takes a lot of alcohol to do that, and they're all way past their limits.

Almost all. Because no matter how much Florida drinks, the tiny soldier never seems to get buzzed, much less plastered-- and they can drink Maine under the table.

Maine, who is quite literally _under_ the rec room coffee table, body shaking violently with muffled laughter as they all listen to South's plan.

"So whaddaya think?" she prompts the room, a wicked grin painting her features.

"South, the poor boy as probably never seen a tit in his life!" Connie exclaims, perched precariously on the arm of the sofa. "You say that to him and he's gonna turn red as a beet!"

"If he doesn't pass out on the spot!" York's laughter is loudest when drunk, though xe manages to push xemself up into something resembling a sitting position. Xyr being vertical is mostly dependent on Carolina's shin; when she moves her leg, xe slides sideways with a startled cry.

"Don't be so hard on the new guy," Florida drawls with a smirk, staring at the assembled soldiers. They know very well that Wash isn't actually that new. "I'd bet good money he at least manages to get out of the room before that sweet little head of his explodes."

"Florida," Carolina cautions, but she's smiling just as wide as they are; she could never drink enough to forget her own brother, after all. "You know how dangerous it is to place bets with us."

"Dangerous for _you_ , perhaps," the older agent says smoothly. "But we all know who took home the rewards from our last betting pool."

"Niner," Maine grunts from under the table, earning a scowl from Florida, who would have won otherwise. "Could argue we all won seeing her deck Wyoming though."

Florida's scowl deepens, and Wyoming's smile has turned sour, but North cuts in before either of them can say anything that will make Maine hit them.

"Who told her that whole thing was a bet, anyway?" they question, glancing around the room.

"Please, North, anyone would've figured it out on their own after every guy in the Project tried putting the moves on her." Connie's logic is hard to argue. "Still mad I lost money on her hitting York, though."

"What can I say?" the lockpick purrs, gesturing broadly at xemself. "It's hard to resist all this."

Xyr cheeks darken as Carolina bursts into laughter behind xem, covering her face with one hand. "As if!"

 _Ouch_ , North mouths to York, then says aloud, "So, are we betting on this, or what?"

South snorts. "I thought you didn't want me to do it in the first place?"

The older Dakota can't stop the smirk from spreading over their face. "Yeah, but no way am I passing up a chance to see that poor guy turn into a human tomato. What're the stakes?"

Florida, somehow the unofficial judge of every damn bet the team has ever placed, looks considerately at the steel grey ceiling. "I _would_ say poker winnings, but I know York and South have already spent most of theirs from last week's game."

A muffled voice from under the coffee table says, "Haze him."

"What, Maine?" Florida tilts their head to get a good look under the table, but the human mountain is pushing themself upright, smirking. 

"Winners get t'haze him."

"That's--"

"Cruel." North finishes Wyoming's sentence, trying their damnedest to frown. They aren't pulling it off. "Florida and South pretty much traumatized Ohio when he was recruited. This guy wouldn't stand a chance."

"So it's a deal?" their sister says oh so helpfully. "Winners get to break him?"

"I hope you mean 'break him in'," North warns, but they know better. They just hope the Director will forgive them for this one.

"So, bets?" Florida questions, grabbing the datapad on the side table and typing something in. "Our three choices remain: pass out on the spot, turn a lovely shade of crimson, or run from the room. My money is on running."

"We're not betting money," Carolina reminds them, though she shrugs and smiles. "But someone better be filming it so we can see how red he turns."

Florida types in her bet and looks around the room again, waiting. Finally, York says, "Fuck it. That poor guy's gonna faint. North, you better catch him."

"W-what makes you think I'm even going to _be_ there?" North sputters, causing another round of laughter from the assembled Freelancers.

"You have to be, or this isn't gonna fuckin' work," South points out. "Oh, and have me down for passing out. No way that kid can manage to keep on his feet after that."

Defeated, North mumbles, "Run" with a shake of their head, unable to believe they're actually agreeing to this.

"What about you, handsome?" Florida tilts their head to Wyoming, iliciting groans from South and York.

"Pass out," the British man mutters, shaking his head. He always says he isn't one for bets, but when the team starts a pool...

"Blush," Maine grunts, shrugging. They have yet to see anyone faint due to South's antics, but from what the Counselor told them about the new guy, the twins' introduction is going to be one hell of a shock.

Connie considers, sipping at their drink with a thoughtful expression. "I _know_ that poor kid is gonna blush and stutter, but no way will he run. He won't remember how to," they add with a smirk. "Put me down for blushing."

All bets typed into the datapad, Florida offers them all a slow, lazy smile. "So, South, when are you going to traumatize our newest recruit?"

"Right fuckin' now," the Dakota declares, spinning-- well, stumbling-- on the ball of her foot and making her way to the door. "Come on, North!"

 

Sober, North is very good at hiding their thoughts, schooling their face into a blank mask when needed.

Drunk, that becomes much more difficult. Their lips keep twitching as their sister leads him to the mess hall, catching sight of the new guy just as he leaves. They catch up to him quickly, and North finally sees what C.T. meant. Though the scar bisecting his left eyebrow is testament to his time in the army before the Project, this poor boy barely looks older than twenty. And yet North thinks he looks familiar, at least from this angle, but they can't put their finger on it. He just looks too young for them to have met him before.

And far too innocent for what South is about to do to him.

"New recruit?" North calls to get his attention... and to at least have some sort of normal conversation before this all goes downhill.

"Wha-- oh, uh, not really," the new kid says, giving them both curious looks. "Just got bumped from Beta team," he corrects, holding out his hand. Normally, North would take it, but South is closer and grabs the boy's hand before they get a chance.

"I'm Agent South, and this is my twin, North," she says after they shake hands, pointing her thumb at her sibling. 

North can't help it. They start to snicker and have to cover their mouth with one hand. When that's not enough, they actually bite into their finger, desperately trying not to laugh out loud.

"Why are we named like that?" South continues, cutting off whatever nice, normal thing Washington was opening his mouth to say. "'Cause they have the pretty face and I have the bomb-ass pussy."

As North watches the new kid, they can't help it any more. They burst out laughing, as does South when she sees how quickly Agent Washington's face and ears flush to a deep maroon and how it visibly spreads down his neck. The sniper collapses against the wall when Washington lets out a high pitched squeak, mouth working like he's trying to say something that won't come out.

"I-- uh I mean-- you..." Washington stutters, and it only works the twins into a deeper fit of laughter. "Hi," he finally manages to get out, but the Dakotas are insensible. "I uh. I h-have to um. Go," he squeaks, backing slowly down the hall as the twins desperately hold on to each other, trying to stay somewhat upright. When he's far enough, he turns and quickly walks down the corridor, leaving the Dakotas in a giggling heap behind him

But to his credit he neither runs, nor faints.

 _Poor guy_ , North thinks hours later when they collapse into their bed. _Not only is that his intro to South, but he's going to have to deal with Connie, Carolina, and **Maine** tomorrow._

They regret not putting down a bet for Washington to blush, but they'll be sure to bring the camera when the winners start the hazing.

They almost feel bad for them.

It isn't until the next morning that North realizes why they recognize Washington. The first week of the Project. The blushing blonde in the locker room.

Now they definitely feel bad for him.


End file.
